Today was my 28 week check up and 28 week growth ultrasound of the boys (which was confirmed again today). Both are measured at 2 lbs. 14 oz--that's at least a pound of growth in 4 weeks! I have a feeling that these guys might not be so little when I finally give birth to them. The neat thing today was that for the first time, I got to see an actual baby face. Not just a perfect profile, but a nose and lips and closed eyes! The ultrasound shot that was actually captured by the tech did not show both sides of the face, so it's not as impressive, but I got a great view for a few moments. I don't think I'll ever have one of those new-fangled 3-D ultrasounds, so this was pretty sweet! I will say, Baby B looks like Brooks already! He has his nose--just like Elliott did when he was born!
I must confess: today I've had the best attitude about these sweet little boys. For so long, I've struggled with the shock and "inconvenience" of being pregnant with twins, only hearing about how much work it will be, sometimes hearing about how much fun they will be once they turn 1. While I think I'm in denial about how much work it's going to be, I am becoming more contented with what the Lord has planned for me. I guess I was a little disappointed when I realized that I would never have another sweet little baby to dress in pink, even though I was grateful that we wouldn't be a house dominated by girls. I have honestly arrived at the point where I can honestly say that I just hope they are both healthy...and good nursers! That's what I'm most worried about now, especially after struggling with Elliott for so long. I feel horrible for feeling so "burdened" by pregnancy, particularly this one, even if it is rightly so. I'm not fogged by the notion of the "miracles of life" that I am nurturing, but eager to have my body back. However, I am starting to think about how nice it will be to hold these guys in my arms and get to know each of them and their unique personalities.
Yes, one of the biggest reasons for my emotional disconnect to them is how tough things have been financially for us this year, and knowing that this is not going to improve things. I am currently praying that God will provide, and trusting Him now, hoping that His provision is on the horizon (and yes, I have a legitimate reason to think it might be!) after so many months of waiting. But I am confident that God will provide, somehow, sometime, even if this is not His timing. He has already helped me sell some items that we are not going to use--thank you to Ian for that idea!--that has helped buy groceries more than once. I am blessed by several people who have donated their baby items to us: lots of clothes in many sizes and other linens, but also some equipment that we had already gotten rid of or needed duplicates of. Now, I just need to trust that the Lord will provide the remaining things we will need: diapers and wipes, some meals, and some help around the house/with kids. And good nursing babies. :)
Check out my newest poll and tell me: If you were having twins, what would be your biggest concern?
I really appreciate your honesty, Susan. I have always thought it would be really cool to have twins, but I think I'd be scared to death if it really happened. I think the most fearsome thing for me would be being twice as sick--that's the stage I'm just leaving, so it's very fresh in my mind. Wow, that ultrasound picture is so clear--so precious! I know you will continue to be an awesome mom, even with your arms fuller than ever. Praying for God's provision and for a smooth last several months!
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